Being a career woman
As a career woman, I wanted to show others that I was a capable leader able to do anything and everything I wanted to do. In the early stages, this included networking and showing my capabilities by saying yes to events, new learning projects and so on and so forth. I was honestly, VERY good at saying yes [and continue to be at times]. However, when I entered the world of motherhood about 3 years ago, I realized that this would need to change (especially when wanting balance as a working mom).
However, knowing this needed to change, I struggled with what the outcome of saying no would be to my career and values.
If I say no, they I will miss out on opportunities.
If I say no, then society was right, and I could not balance being a good mom and leader.
If I say no, I am just not good enough for these big o’ dreams of mine
One step closer to balance as a working mom
I felt like I had to choose between motherhood and being a career woman. This was tough. Like, really tough because I pride myself in what I do [and heck, I love my career]. And I have always wanted to be a mother, what I believe to be one of my main purposes in this lifetime. So how do I choose?
Well, I didn’t. I didn’t need to. I decided that I was going to be a hell of a boss woman while also being a pretty freaking amazing mother. This meant that I had to rethink how I envision success and what I truly wanted in both of my worlds. It was not going to be easy, but I worked on building confidence and trust in myself.
I had to learn how to say no
So, in my long list of adaptations and to dos, one of them stated “learn the power of saying no.” Which honestly is one way of setting clear work and home life boundaries.
As a working mom, we want to be excellent at all things. But imagine being with your kids, holding them on one hand while responding to emails and texts on the other [like every day]. When that happens, your kids lose your attention and that work email is ½ revised since you are trying to manage your child on the other hand. This way you are clearly not giving 100% to either one of both worlds. This is when the power of no comes in.
If you want to be amazing at multiple things, you need to make sure you dedicate 100% of your energy on that thing when you are working on it or with it [in the case of my children].
Reminder: everyone’s list of saying no will look differently depending their job, availability, work load, kid’s ages etc. Don’t compare your list to ones of others but rather use it as inspiration to create your own.
Additionally, these lists should change overtime, they SHOULD NOT be staying the same. With time, we change, our careers shift, our children’s needs change and that is okay.
A list of nos that I created for myself
- No answering work emails or messages after 7pm
- No answering work emails or messages on Saturdays
- No scheduling of big home events on Sundays
- No home calls while at work [unless an emergency] from 12-3pm
- No scheduling of events without speaking to my partner first
My challenge to you is not to write out a list of things you will set no to aka the first step in setting boundaries for yourself. Start with 3-5 and go from there. It will be important to talk with your loved ones and hear their take on it too.
Other blog posts to check out:
Are you good at saying no? Just learning? Or starting from scratch? Let me know in the comments below!